Getting close

We're trying not to be awkward to each other yet we're still awkward. We're trying to talk to each other, yet it doesnt feel the same. I want to be friend with you like what we used to, i want you to joke and talk around with me. But at the same time im scared. What if when u started talk to me my heart start to pain? What if i still cant forget it? What if..

Let go

I know i shouldve let him go. He didnt want me anyway. I tried to make peace with myself, i tried to forget him. I cant lie i still love him, even for what he did to me. I know im nothing compared to him. Im just an ugly girl who stupidly in love with his handsome and caring friend. Im very stupid by letting my self loving him more and more each day. I always thought may be if i tried harder to be by him side, one day he will realize. I dont want to tell him myself coz i dont want to loose him, i dont want to take the risk. But you see now? You didnt manage to tell him, he knew himself. He's finally knew after such a long time. And what he did? He left you. Like a trash. I know he didnt mean to but i cant help myself to feel thatway. I dont know who to blame. Me? For being so stupid? Him, for never giving me chance? God for never listen to my prayer? Or its just the situation that not supporting us? God, i really dont know whats your plan. Im scared, im hurted. I dont want to feel this way anymore can you at least help me to heal myself? So that the pain will go away. So that i can see him and feel nothing. Bcs in the end he's still my bestfriend and i dont want to loose him. Please God, im begging you.. Help me.